i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
