Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
