I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
