It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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