i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
