I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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