Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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