East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you inspire me to be a worse person
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
