i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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