Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
