Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
