Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My ass is underappreciated
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
