Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
