there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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