I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
