I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
