We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
