I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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