This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
