The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
