would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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