just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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