if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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