This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did i just pee glitter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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