20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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