I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
