there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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