He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
