If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
