I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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