wanna go halves on a baby?
I can text with my tongue
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
