I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
