I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
