Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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