i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize