I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just puked most of my soul out..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
