This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
