You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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