Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
