is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
