You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
