I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
