Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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