And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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