she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A+ Viking dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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