Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
