so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
