i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
