I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
