the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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