Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then the night went full on bisexual.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
