maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
