All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
